O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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