new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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