He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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