in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
