No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
