if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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