so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize