my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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