Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
