Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
