life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
It's never too late to be topless.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
