You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
