You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
