cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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