Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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