The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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