I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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