my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
where does the pee come out of this thing
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
