Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Randomize
