the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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