He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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