He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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