well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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