he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
