I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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