Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
