Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
