talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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