dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I need to calm my uterus...
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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