Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
