Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize