Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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