The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
