Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
