what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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