he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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