only if we run a train.
done.
I cut my penus on the lid.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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