just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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