you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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