She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
