What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
