dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
you traded sex for a burrito?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
