2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
