I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
