cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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