her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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