I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize