i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
