all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
