i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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