he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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