How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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