I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
