I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
A bitchslap is in order.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
