Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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