Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
