Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
