I'm so fucking centered right now
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
