So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
