it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
