i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
