Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
