If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
