Your dad touched me again.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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