I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
