just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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